The script read “fear of not living up to my own expectations.”
Love,
As I sunk into the covers, I grabbed my sacred journal and started to write. Word over word, tripped and tumbled from this liminal space onto the page. Irritated, I could finally see what my body was no longer alone in experiencing…this keen awareness of a mental script titled “fear: not living up to my own expectations.”
Is it true?
It was easier to hide in the shadow of perception, once upon a time. I could step upon a path well-traveled and be rewarded. It was familiar. And any stumble was excused with “Oh, yeah. I know how it is.” Until it wasn't.
Black leather jacket unzipped with sun-kissed skin underneath, messy curls pinned up, face beat for the gods (i.e. flawless makeup), hiding under a wooden staircase and swaying to “One In A Million” alone in front of the light…my Soul recalled a photo of me at a pop art photoshoot in my 20s—posing.
To ‘pose’ comes from the Latin word pausare which is ‘to pause, halt, rest, cease’ and is influenced by the word ponere which is ‘to place’. Now as I enjoy my days in soft cotton and linen clothing, loose curls along my cheeks, and face make-up free, I wonder what was I pausing to notice…to see.
What was I placing before the lens to rediscover or remember again? A modern definition of the word is ‘to set forth or offer for attention or consideration.’ What was I considering?
In an instant, these words on the page pierced my fear of not living up my own expectations, and Grace rained. I fulfilled her every dream. As I am. I am who she wanted to be. I am who whispered loving encouragement in her heart, held her in warm arms in her dreams, and lit her inner world with magic, beauty, and Mystery. She sought to be freed and in her seeking, she found and freed me. I am the One she called Soul. Now I see. I am the One I dreamed.
Illuminate the Story of your Soul this week.
Write a letter to You this morning from who you were in your 20s. Pick a photo or a moment where you felt most unsure about who you were, as you posed. With a loving heart, ask about what they want you to see.
I invoke the loving eyes of my Soul. With perfect Love and perfect Heart, in the God Mind, I now have perfect Sight. Now It Is You I See. Show Me.
Tell me…what do you now see? May you, too, be lifted from the fear of not living up to your dream into the Timeless Love of Soul, eternally. For this remembrance of Mystery is needed when the mind confuses accolades for Peace.
Gracefully yours,
Diamond
Your Oracle & Soul Steward
